He Hit Me

My traumatic experience in a domestic violence relationship.

Those three simple words catch in my throat. You never think it's going to happen to you until it does. Being in an abusive relationship is toxic and emotionally draining, I am glad I left when I did. I'm not sure how to articulate my experience very well but I hope you understand my perspective.

It began gradually, with pushes and verbal abuse. I was so blind from the illusion of my love for him I waved the red flags that were clearly there. It escalated over time, and with covid and lockdowns it did not help the situation. After an episode I felt so numb and dead inside. His art decorating my body, my voice to cry out silenced by threats. His "I'm sorry, I won't do it again" a broken record that he never wanted to fix.

I wanted to leave numerous times but damn my hopefulness and faith in him I stayed. I wanted the relationship to work, I didn't want to fail, yet another relationship. It's sad for me to reflect on this and think that at the time I truly thought it was all my fault. He was a sweet talker, filled with manipulation and venom. He could turn any scenario from his fault to mine. It was my fault I brought the ugly side out.

It was difficult to leave it all behind but once I started packing my things I knew there was no turning back. People may think why I stayed and didn't leave sooner, and until you're in that situation yourself it is hard to explain why. I guess I just had hope that he would change. But let me tell you something. You can't change anyone. Full stop. There are no ifs, or buts. If you're in a relationship and you want to change the person you're with. Then they are not the right person for you. You can only change yourself, people will not change if they have no desire too. I feel that I've learnt that the hard way, but there is always a way out. Do not forget that.

I just want to let anyone know if you are going through something similar. It's never too late to leave. I left and I know I'm on the path of true happiness and love with myself. I know the journey will be long and full of hardship, but I know God will never give me anything I can not persevere through.

I have gone to the police with my story, having one of my best friends with me for support was the extra push I needed. I did not want him hurting another woman again. My case has been passed on to the Family Harm team. I will keep you updated on my next steps but I am wanting to get a protection order against him. I know this will help ease my mind and I will be going to therapy to help me deal with my feelings and trauma in a positive manner.

There is always light in what may feel like a world of darkness. You will find the strength within you to bring yourself on that path. Believe.

Arohanui Tiara