Dating a Girl Like Me

How I've been low key struggling to navigate the dating scene.

Well what a topic this one is! Hah, a journey of what the heck am I doing and pretending that I do. I want to begin with the first love of my mortal existence, we'll call him Mr Nice. We were together for a whopping three years and yeah it was nice. Nice and comfortable, not really a lot of progression. I don't think I had one meaningful and deep conversation with him. Nothing nitty gritty about our beliefs, values and morals, what we believe life is all about. It was all very surface levelled conversations. I don't know if it was our age or he just had no idea what he wanted in life. Mr Nice was about the simple vanilla lifestyle, which is fine but now that I look back... that's booooooring for me haha. Not going to lie, he was a great boyfriend but I'm glad we broke up. Could you imagine me living a vanilla life, bruh, thank you next.

Now we come over to Mr Issues. Because he has a lot of damn issues that need addressing. Oh ladies, get out of there asap! We met a month after I had been dumped by Mr Nice, and that was a whirlwind romance. But so messed up at the same time. I moved in with him after three months, left my family and beliefs trailing behind me in the wind as I chased the sunset with the new love of my life, *cue gag reflex. That was the worst relationship ever. No words can describe how revolting this person was to me. Nothing excuses his behaviour on how he treats women and the threat I had on his masculinity. What a joke. I'm going to admit yeah I rushed into that relationship hard and fast. I can reflect now that the reason was, I just had no idea how to be alone again. I had spent three years being in a relationship, talking to this person everyday to not a peep. Mr Nice was cozy but Mr Issues was a bad boy that I apparently wanted in my life. Ya know that rush of exhilaration. Oh, until the wife beater comes hammering through his fist. Then, you're kind of wishing Mr Nice was back with a bowlful of vanilla. Just as fast as that relationship came, it vanished in a blink..

Which brings me to my current circumstances of the single pringle ready to mingle aura I'm illuminating to the world. I decided after Mr Issues (ended in Nov 2020) that I would give myself a certain amount of time to be single. And if I wasn't ready by that time to start dating then I would just keep being single. You may wonder why I would give myself a time limit. Well the thing is I need a certain amount of control in my life. And this was something I could navigate. I knew if I didn't put a limit on it I would honestly just not even try and meet new people that I could potentially date. Ya know why? Because I had forgotten how to socialise with adults and have normal conversations. So I needed to force myself out of that comfortable, safe and warm space to actually talk to the human race. Mr Issues really gave me some issues which has resulted in a number of issues that I am forced to deal with, and that has just been absolutely lovely.

So this is what I did. I started going to church activities to meet people my own age. And do a thing called socialising. I had a blast with my friends and was introduced to new walks of life. Then I got a taste of this confident version of myself and became proactive and asked two guys on a date. Okay I asked Mr Mutual out on a date. We are calling him that because I was introduced to him by a mutual friend. And the conversation in person was easy flowing and we had great banter. So I did those, hit him up through the DM's and asked him out. He said yes, you thought I would be excited right? That kind of drifted away as soon as it came. He did those next day replies and leave me on the seen for hours. Now, I'm not desperate, I'm not asking you to reply like one minute after I send you a message. But come on, be polite or just say NO to the date. So I cancelled on him. I wasn't feeling it, I felt like I was just being messed around. Now that may have not been his intention but I just felt not wanted. And that already was a no, no from me. Now it's funny because a few months later we had a birthday get together over zoom for a mutual friend. I got to know him better in a different context and he was a great funny guy, super kind and genuine. I don't think he's a bad guy, but I don't think he's that guy.

Moving swiftly over to Mr Camp. We were in our youth and met at a church camp, hence Mr Camp. We were in the same group and I even found photos of him on my laptop from way back then! Okay like I remembered him, obviously, but I don't think we were that close. After the camp we drifted apart and fast forward to the present. Six years later, we reconnected and we went on a whopping three dates! I mean for me that's progress since I cancelled on the date with Mr Mutual. All three dates were awesome, so fun and plenty of laughs and I felt I could be myself. I was very open about what I was looking for and about my past. It just felt very organic, which is a beautiful change from walking on eggshells for a year. By our third date I felt that it was really going to decide whether or not I wanted to progress in the next steps or we were just going to stay friends. I will tell you now, we are just friends. Was I disappointed, um yes, yes I was. But it wasn't until a friend had me pondering and mentioned that maybe he was brought into my life for a different reason. Not to be my boyfriend but to show me that there are still kind and respectful men out there. Those dates were one of the best dates I've ever had. We discussed so many topics in depth, our spirituality, our past relationships, our future goals. Then we would laugh and sing and dance! He was a gentleman and I knew his Mama raised him right. We still chat every now and then, and I wish with all my heart that he falls in love with a beautiful soul and finds what he is looking for.

Now I'm in lockdown and I'm still single. But this is to the future man that strolls into my life. I probably talk way too much for my own good. I'm aware and I'm working on being a better listener. I value communication or even over communication, I want to know what's happening with you so I know what I need to do to be better and likewise. It may take me a little longer to trust you and let my walls down. Unfortunately the trauma from my past still haunts me till this day and will be with me for the rest of life. Don't worry I don't expect you to handle my baggage, that's not your job. I've got the muscle for that, but I may need some support to spot the extra weight. I love to have fun and be silly. I’m a goofy girl that will give you mini dance shows so be prepared for that. And I have some hella weird mannerisms you'll probably grow to love. I find solace by the seaside, I bake the best chocolate chip cookies and you need to like dogs. Sometimes I'm a bit blunt but I just call that raw honesty. I value my occupation and I am a busybody who works odd hours. I have a travel bug that I seem to never recover from, not that I'm complaining. I think Rio could cure me. I'm looking for a hubby not a side thingy. I listen to the sound of laughter in my future home, from three little ones with cheeky grins. Just know that with me your life will never be dull, we'll dance under the moonlight, smile and laugh until our cheeks ache and love so fiercely that our souls will ignite with fire. And that's what it's like dating a girl like me.

Arohanui Tiara x